Lanckashmir

I wonder if I’ll ever see it again,
run through its grass
swim in its water
prepare its soil
as if to say,
life will be given the chance

I never did understand
when I looked up to hear Them speaking of Home.
what it meant
why it mattered
who for.
I thought it was simple, We’re here.
by the park,
down the road,
a house at the end of the street.

the looks and the jokes and all the small things
weren’t enough to let Me know
until it felt like it was too late
no turning back
like a loose tooth one apple too far,
done.

10 years old in history class
“draw your family tree”
who was I to know
before britishness
before englistan
We had
roots in the land Kashmir.

I wish I could say I'm wiser now
I wish I could say I know
everything it took.
Who walked and Who ran and Who stood.

​how do you plan for departure- so loud and so big and so red?
scramble for records never made and lost words never said?
Father before Father before Father before
no
Mother before Mother before Mother before
no
too far for even My arms
too much for even art

I never did learn how to swim;
no, I never did learn how to draw.

We made homes away from homes,
We made homes in the Lanckashmir.
a home in the hills and stars
a home between fogs and cars
a home in the roads and rivers
a home between suns and silvers

a home away from home away from home
yes,
a way
a life
a wonder

I wonder if I’ll ever see it again,
just once…
this time with my eyes open

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